Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.
Acts 4:29
How often, in the presence of those outside of church, do I speak God's word with great boldness? Definitely not as often or in the way I would feel comfortable doing so...and I know there are plenty of times when I clamp my mouth shut during a conversation, even if the Words are burning inside me and want to come out.
So what stops me? In a word, it's perception. I get it all worked up in my head that my audience either doesn't want to hear it, won't understand it, or will feel like we don't have anything in common and will turn away from me. What's funny is that those reasons seem like such a big deal in my head...but now that I'm looking at them on paper, they seem so small...and yet I know they still have power over me. Ugh
The interesting thing about all that is the realization that I've been calling it persecution! I don't have people like the Sadducees questioning my faith and tossing me in jail for believing in Jesus. I don't have to worry about being judged by the same council that crucified the Lord. Now that's persecution...being constantly harassed and oppressed. I don't have those things...I'm just socially uncomfortable and worried that people will reject my friendship.
Then how does boldness begin? It's defined as being "fearless before danger - self assured". I know in my heart that God wants nothing more than for me to speak His truth to others, and be the salt and light He's called me to be. But I need to find the boldness our reading talks about today. The apostles didn't rely on themselves for their boldness...they prayed and received their power from the Holy Spirit. I can look back at verses 24-30 to see how they prayed. First, they gave thanks and told God about their problem. Then they asked for His help...not that He would take the problem away, but for help to deal with it. If they needed prayer and His Spirit to do what they were called to, then surely I do too!! Guess I've got some work to do...
Don't be too hard on yourself I think that is very natural and something we are all guilty of (at least at one point or another). There have been many times I have thought the same thing... I am getting better as I become a more "mature" christian and I do think it is something that as we learn, develop and grow comes more naturally and with less worry about what the others think.
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